People go through various experiences in life and a some of them can be traumatic. Trauma is different for everyone. Sometimes, people go through various traumatic experiences, which is known as “complex traumas”. Such experiences can leave lasting effect on people.
It might affect our decisions, impact mood and hamper our relationships as well. Traumas effect everyone in a unique way. Some survivors might feel intense shame, guilt for something they could have done in that situation or
might feel unlovable, for some it might become natural to isolate themselves, or become detached, others might become frightened to form relations with others or easily feel abandoned or rejected. Some people become overprotective or dependent. Many trauma survivors feel emotionally numb and might have difficulty in feeling positive emotional emotions in relationships. If traumatic experiences occur in early childhood, for instance, that child has been abused by the caregiver or a trusted family member then the ability of the child to trust others is hampered and safety within relationships are undermined.
IDENTIFYING TRAUMAS –
Childhood traumas – not remembering things about childhood or not having good childhood memories, people often do not want to remember things from their Childhood because that might awaken some unwanted emotions. They do not have a clear picture of their childhood.
Something is always missing – I’m sure that we must have come across at least one person who would say “something always feels missing”
Getting into relationships that end up harming them or are not good for them.
Thinking that they are better off alone.
Feeling that they cannot feel emotions or feeling numb.
Often, people feel that they cannot form relationships, they end up having commitment issues and trust issues which might turn into isolation. People prefer leaving, before being left. They cannot continue their relationships and suffer with unwanted thoughts. It can result in developing borderline personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder or avoidant personality disorder. We do not have our control over external things in life. Traumas should be addressed in order to get on with life in a good way. Do not try to ignore what you are feeling all the time. Acknowledge and address your issues, communicate with your partner, don’t try to “fix” your partner, they will heal along the way. It might be time taking process. Try not to assume things or taking things personally if your partner says or does something, it is not your fault that your partner is going through something. You can be there for them and offer them your support. Try going to a therapist, opt of couple’s counselling if you feel the need. Support your loved one for taking therapy and being regular with sessions.
Your experiences and traumas shape you in a way and you can always choose to
heal yourself, it might seem a little difficult process but it will be worth it!